Aletha Solter
Aletha Solter is a Swiss‑American developmental psychologist, international speaker, consultant, and author. She is recognised worldwide as an expert on attachment, trauma, non‑punitive discipline, and developmentally appropriate education.
Her very first book, The Aware Baby, was the book she wished she had had as a young mother. At that time, she could not find any parenting books that supported attachment‑style parenting and non‑punitive discipline while also acknowledging the impact of stress and trauma on children’s development. She was called to write it herself — it was warmly received and resonated deeply with many parents. This led her to write seven books on this beautiful approach.
In 1990, Aletha Solter founded the Aware Parenting Institute, which now has certified instructors in over 25 countries. These instructors share her passion for this approach and help spread it around the world in support of her vision: to help create a nonviolent world in which all children are allowed to attain their full potential.
Aletha Solter continues to travel internationally and offers online courses and individual sessions to teach about her work and to support parents on their journey.
Aletha Solter’s books
Aware Parenting
What is it?
A new way of seeing our children
Aware Parenting invites us into a different way of seeing our children — and we learn to see ourselves differently too along the way!
It describes how to build a deep emotional connection with your child, and how to support your child in staying connected to his or her true self and growing into a whole human being.
Aware Parenting helps us understand that behaviours are forms of communication and invites us to look beneath the behaviours we find challenging.
It offers a compassionate, deeply human approach to parenting that honours connection, presence, authenticity, and empathy.
The three pillars of Aware Parenting
Aware parenting is build on three basic aspects:
Attachment‑style parenting
Attachment‑style parenting is about closeness, responsiveness, and trust.
It includes:
natural childbirth and early bonding when circumstances allow
plenty of physical contact and touch
prolonged breastfeeding when possible
sensitive attunement
prompt, loving responsiveness to crying
It’s about creating an atmosphere where a baby experiences being welcome, safe, held, and understood.
2. Non‑punitive discipline
Non‑punitive discipline means we don’t use punishments, rewards, bribes, or artificial consequences.
Instead, we focus on:
understanding the underlying needs and feelings
meeting those needs with connection and clarity
supporting parents to have safe spaces for their own emotions
resolving conflicts peacefully, through conversation, family meetings, or mediation
The goal is not to control behaviour, but to stay connected to what the behaviour is communicating.
3. Healing from stress and trauma
Aware Parenting recognises that stress, trauma, and unmet needs are often at the root of emotional and behavioural challenges.
So we try to:
prevent stress and trauma where possible
support children’s natural healing through play, laughter, and crying
offer a loving, connected parent - child relationship where all feelings are welcome
respect every feeling and every need, receiving them with empathy and care.
Aware Parenting also recognises that parenting is not easy and can be deeply challenging, and that parents need acknowledgment for all they do, as well as practical and emotional support. This support helps parents make the changes they long to see in their family life.
The 10 principles of Aware Parenting
1. Aware parents fill their children's needs for physical contact (holding, cuddling, etc.). They do not worry about "spoiling" their children.
2. Aware parents accept the entire range of emotions and listen non-judgmentally to children's expressions of feelings. They realize that they cannot prevent all sadness, anger, or frustration, and they do not attempt to stop children from releasing painful feelings through crying or raging.
3. Aware parents offer age-appropriate stimulation, and trust children to learn at their own rate and in their own way. They do not try to hurry children on to new stages of development.
4. Aware parents offer encouragement for learning new skills, but do not judge children's performance with either criticism or evaluative praise.
5. Aware parents spend time each day giving full attention to their children. During this special, quality time, they observe, listen, respond, and join in their children's play (if invited to do so), but they do not direct the children's activities.
6. Aware parents protect children from danger, but they do not attempt to prevent all of their children's mistakes, problems, or conflicts.
7. Aware parents encourage children to be autonomous problem-solvers and help only when needed. They do not solve their children's problems for them.
8. Aware parents set reasonable boundaries and limits, gently guide children towards acceptable behavior, and consider everyone's needs when solving conflicts. They do not control children with bribes, rewards, threats, or punishments of any kind.
9. Aware parents take care of themselves and are honest about their own needs and feelings. They do not sacrifice themselves to the point of becoming resentful.
10. Aware parents strive to be aware of the ways in which their own childhood pain interferes with their ability to be good parents, and they make conscious efforts to avoid passing on their own hurts to their children.
Copyright ©1994 by Aletha Solter. Published with permission from the Aware Parenting Institute
Compassion
Aware Parenting invites us to let go of control, fixing, or the urge to do something to change our child. Instead, it guides us into holding space with deep trust, supporting our child in staying connected to themselves, their feelings, and their needs, and allowing them to unfold in their own way and in their own time.
It also recognises that we have our own journey, and that we too are unfolding in our own timing.
This is where deep compassion becomes essential — compassion for ourselves and for where we are on our journey, and acknowledgment and deep appreciation of all that we already do and all that we already are.
“It is truly an honour for me to be with parents who want to reconnect with themselves, and to hold space with empathy and care for all the feelings that arise in that process.
I love witnessing the presence, understanding, and compassion that unfold when parents connect with their feelings and allow them to be released — and the understanding and compassion that naturally arise for their children as well.
From a place of more awareness, understanding, and compassion, it becomes easier to connect with our children in a deeper way.”
Want to learn more?
This work continues to touch me deeply, and I feel honoured to support parents in reconnecting with themselves and their children.