About Me
Vivian
I am the mother of a wonderful 15‑year‑old boy and have been practicing Aware Parenting, inspired by Aletha Solter, for 15 years.
When Aware Parenting came into my life, it resonated deeply. Though it wasn’t always easy to put into practice, I soon realized that Aware Parenting isn’t something you “do” to your child. It asks you to include all of yourself.
This journey invited me to reconnect with many parts and feelings within me, to welcome them, to listen to them, and to grow with them.
I am still learning every day, and I truly experience this as an ongoing living process. Aware Parenting became a way of living, within myself and in the connection with my son.
I knew early on that I wanted to become an instructor and support other parents on their own journeys. I’ve now been an instructor for 10 years, and I’m passionate about helping parents appreciate themselves, their feelings, and their own unique path with Aware Parenting.
I care deeply about feelings, and I love supporting parents in feeling safer and more connected within themselves, and therefore with their children.
I value presence, gentleness, and including all parts of us.
Attachment Play is also very close to my heart. It is a beautiful and safe way to support connection, and I love helping parents make play joyful and connecting - not only for their children, but also for themselves.
In June 2026, I also became a Level 2 instructor. I look forward to supporting people who are called to become instructors themselves.
“I find it a true privilege to support parents in finding ways to bring more connection into their relationship with their children.”
A little more about me…
I was born as the third child in a small Dutch city and grew up in the same house my parents still live in. I love visiting them and being in the home where I was born.
We don’t live fulltime in the Netherlands anymore. We chose a life where our son doesn’t attend a traditional school - natural learning is something I care deeply about - and we spend our winters in Switzerland. Over the years, we’ve also spent a lot of time in Germany, Austria, and the Netherlands.
I love connecting within - listening to my parts and feelings, learning from my observations and experiences, and expanding my capacity to include all of me. I see myself as a being made of many parts, each with its own feelings and needs, and I’m committed to meeting them with as much awareness and gentleness as I can. (This isn’t part of Aware Parenting; it’s something personal that grew from connecting with and exploring my inner world.)
I believe healing comes from including all of us.
I also love Vipassana meditation. Even though I didn’t practice much after becoming a mother, I’ve recently returned to it, and I am forever grateful that I met it in my life - as well as Aware Parenting.
And I am deeply grateful for the time I get to spend with my son.
We love being outdoors - in the mountains, skiing, hiking, swimming in lakes. We also love being at the coast, being in the sea, swimming and jumping in the waves.
I experience our time together as deeply meaningful.
“It is truly an honour for me to be with parents who want to reconnect with themselves, and to hold space with empathy and care for all the feelings that arise in that process.
I love witnessing the presence, understanding, and compassion that unfold when parents connect with their feelings and allow them to be released - and the understanding and compassion that naturally arise for their children as well.
From a place of more awareness, understanding, and compassion, it becomes easier to connect with our children in a deeper way.”
A bit about my Personal Journey With Aware Parenting…
When I was pregnant, I didn’t read much, I am not a big reader.
I knew I wanted a home birth. I knew our baby would sleep with us. I knew I would never leave our baby alone. And I knew I wanted to love this little being unconditionally - exactly for who he or she would be.
I thought: “I’ll just listen to my intuition and we’ll be fine.”
What I completely underestimated was the enormous transition into motherhood.
I wasn’t aware of what becoming a parent can do to a woman (or a man). I wasn’t aware that automatic programs could start operating - unconsciously, or even consciously, but without being able to change them overnight. I wasn’t aware of how having a baby reconnects you with your own babyhood, your childhood, your unheard and unexpressed feelings. I wasn’t aware of how clouded intuition can become when it’s mixed with old hurts, unprocessed feelings, and coping mechanisms.
I used to write a lot - I still do - but back then writing was my way to process, to find clarity when I felt uncertain.
When our son was born, something in me cracked open. I thought I knew who I was, but I didn’t. My Aware Parenting journey helped me discover that later, but at that time, I was simply overwhelmed on so many levels.
In the first days, our son didn’t cry much , he had a very gentle start into life. Then, when the crying started, I had no idea what to do.
The common advice didn’t sit well with me, even though I did it: breastfeeding, rocking, more breastfeeding… It felt like giving chocolate to someone who is actually feeling upset. Comforting, but not addressing the real need.
One day, while writing, I had an insight:
“If a friend came to my door crying, would I take her to the kitchen to feed her? Or would I sit with her on the couch and let her share her story?”
I chose the second option.
The next day, The Aware Baby arrived in my mailbox. Our son was about three months old.
And here, things could have gone beautifully….
Reading Aletha Solter’s book resonated deeply. It gave words to experiences I didn’t yet have words for.
I could have acknowledged my insight. It could have encouraged me to trust that answers would come if I kept tuning in with myself and expressing myself through writing. I could have gently explored sitting with my baby while he cried, instead of offering the breast every time uncomfortable feelings surfaced. We could have learned together how to make space for feelings - as Aware Parenting recommends.
But that’s not what happened.
Instead of celebrating myself for having this insight, I became hard on myself. I shamed myself. I punished myself.
“I should have known earlier,” I thought. “If my intuition is so great, why didn’t I know sooner?”
I lost trust in myself. I lost trust in my inner knowing. I tried to parent from an idealised version of who I thought I should be, instead of from the real, tender, overwhelmed woman I actually was.
I needed to fix this. My son needed to cry, even when it was uncomfortable, even when I didn’t know how to hold it yet.
This was heart breaking for parts of me - and something else happened too….
I wanted him to feel, through my eyes, that he was unconditionally loved and supported, no matter what.
But when he reached the age where babies begin to make real, conscious eye contact, I felt uncomfortable. It was as if he could see right into the places in me that I had never learned to meet with love.
This shook my world.
I felt so lost, disappointed, sad, and devastated.
I wanted to be his safe space, and I wasn’t. Not because I didn’t love him - but because I had so much unprocessed pain of my own.
Instead of accepting this, slowing down, and seeking more support, I kept pushing myself. My fears were louder than my capacity at that time - my capacity for myself, and my capacity for real connection on that deep level with my child.
Eventually, he found his own way to suppress his feelings: he started sucking his thumb.
I felt heartbroken - filled with grief and a deep longing I didn’t know how to hold.
I kept trying until I realised I wasn’t being honest with myself. I had so many feelings that needed presence and support.
I needed to include all of me. I needed to tune in to what was true for me.
I also needed to reconnect with my needs again, gently, slowly, and find ways of meeting them while still feeling safe.
The 9th and 10th principal of Aware Parenting became really important for me.
It became a whole journey of reconnecting with myself, my feelings, my needs, my younger parts, and finding ways to hear them, include them, and meet them. A journey of becoming more whole again. I did this, and still do this, with the support of sessions with other instructors, and through other forms of gentle support that helped me feel safe enough to meet myself more deeply.
And this, more than anything, is where Aware Parenting has supported me the most.
Yes, it helped me build a loving connection with my son. But the biggest gift was that it helped me reconnect with myself.
It helped me love and embrace myself. It helped me reconnect with my own feelings and younger parts. It helped me become a caring, kind, loving person toward myself. It helped me feel safe with who I am. It helped me feel safe with my feelings. It helped me love myself as I am, and where I am on my journey - both my healing journey and my parenting journey. And it continues to support me as I become more aware of everything that lives within me.
Aware Parenting - together with this deeper connection with myself and all the parts of me - also helped me see my son for the amazing human being he is. It helps me become the mother I thought I would be, and it supports me in understanding and living all the aspects of Aware Parenting to the best of my ability.
What I have learned….
What I’ve learned is that Aware Parenting is not something we do to our child. It’s a way of living. A way of coming home to ourselves - the wonderful beings we are underneath our stories and our hurts.
It’s not a quick fix. It’s a process. A journey. And for me, a journey I cannot express in words how enriching and valuable it has been for me and my family.
I’ve learned that safety comes from within. The safer we feel inside - with who we are, with our feelings, with where we are on our journey - the more safety we can offer our children. The more freedom they have to explore, to be who they are, to stay connected to their own truth.
And yes, we are human. We will do things that are hurtfull or stressful for our children sometimes. That’s something I deeply value about Aware Parenting too - the humanness, the self‑compassion, the repair.
I’ve learned that when I act in ways I don’t value, it’s because of my own overwhelm and pain. And Aware Parenting has given me beautiful tools to repair - with my son, and with myself.
The more connected we are to ourselves, the more connected we are to our needs, our feelings, our limits, our yes and our no. And the easier it becomes to be truly honest and present in our connection with our child, and the less likely we are to respond from overwhelm or our own pain.
My journey has taught me to deeply appreciate ourselves for who we are and where we are on our path - including our control patterns. They truly are our friends. They are there to support us when we are not yet ready to feel certain feelings, and to help us move through life in the best way we can in that moment.
Learning to see them with compassion has helped me develop a deep trust in my journey - my parenting journey, my son’s journey - and in the timing of our unfolding.
Connection
Attachment Play has been truly valuable for us.
Because of our nuanced relationship with crying, play became a very important part of our lives.
Attachment Play is incredibly powerful - to me, it is a doorway into a child’s heart and therefore into connection. It helped me meet and include him and what was present for him, and it helped me include myself and the feelings that were present. It helped us find each other in moments where words couldn’t offer connection and holding space for his big feelings was outside of my capacity.
Attachment Play gave me a space where we could truly be ourselves in a safe and connected way. It brought deep acceptance and healing - not only for my child, but also for me.
It allowed us to include more of ourselves - in play, in connection, in deep acceptance, in joy, in presence, in truth, in unconditional love for who we were at that exact moment.
Aware Parenting helps me find my way back to myself. And I am deeply grateful.
Connection has been a proven guide in my life and in my journey with my son. It has helped everything flow more smoothly and more authentically - not always in the way I imagined, but in ways that were real and truthful to who we were in that moment.
Letting go of control, connecting with what is, and surrendering more to the present has brought so much change. Not the kind of change that comes from effort or wanting to fix - what I tried to do in the beginning - but the kind that grows naturally when we meet ourselves and our children with honesty and presence.
I could write a whole book about my journey. Maybe I will one day. But this is what wants to be shared now about my personal journey with it.
With love for your journey, Vivian
Want to learn more?
This work continues to touch me deeply, and I feel honoured to support parents in reconnecting with themselves and their children.